November 3: Grace

A few years ago I decided I should celebrate thanksgiving by being thankful each day of the month. Today I started (albeit late) with grace. "I'm so thankful for the ability to screw up and live to fight another day. What a blessing to live in peace."

I had some additional thoughts...

Last year, I didn't do thankful November. Last year, I was barely making sense of the day to day, trapped in a nightmare I never thought I'd be in. Christmas too, my favorite time of year, was lost to me. Oh, we had Santa and Christmas and the elf on the shelf, but the joy was lost. I'm sure even the kids noticed it. 

My faith, though strong, was birthed in a religion rife with judgement. Not intentionally. But people have a tendency to point out the failures of others and not their own (plank, speck, anyone?). We preached and sang and believed in God's grace, but believed that the best course was not to need it. My type-a, first-born mind turned this into a requirement for perfection. And I can tell you, when you're trapped in a course you never imagined, a faith based on perfection is unattainable. 

Now I see grace differently. No matter our failure-- whether an offense to God, to our family, to friends-- grace is the ability to start again. Try again. It's admitting I am not at all perfect, nor will I be, but it's okay. Make amends. Learn. Do better next time. 

My kids and I call this a do over. We've been doing it forever. It started on one of those mornings. You know the kind-- kids screaming, 3 trips back in the house, rush rush rush, tears, drama-- the usual weekday morning routine. I looked at Sam and said, "you know what we need. We need a do over." We'd just done such a bad job that we needed to pretend it hadn't happened and start all over again with a clean slate. That's grace on a Monday morning. Admitting you've done a bad job. Giving yourself permission to reset with a 0-0 count. Trying to do better next time-- knowing that if you have one more shot, you might just get it right. 

This year, I've got a clean start. I've got a newish job, new home, new schedule. Some things are good, some less good, but it's a do over. We always have consequences, and I'm not saying I don't have those to deal with (that's for another day)-- but I have new life. And God doesn't need me to be perfect-- just to admit that I'm not and keep moving forward. 

On November 3, 2013, I'm thankful for grace.